Short Alchemsits Who Rant At Tall Vamps
by Aoi-Mizu
Summary: 1st Chap: Ed, Al and Lark meet the Cullens. 2nd Chap: The Cullens meet the flame Alchemist.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own FMA or Twilight. The rights belong to Hiromu Arakwa and Stephanie Meyer.**

"Whoa, where are we?" Ed asks. Ed, Al and Lark were standing in the middle of a very clean house. Out the window it was raining. And there was a wall of dozens of shades of green.

"I have no idea." Lark replies.

Just then, 8 people walked in to the room.

"Who are? And why is there a suit of armor in there?" A tall brown haired man asks.

"Um, where are we?" Lark asks. "And who are you?"

"You are in our house in Forks. I am Carlisle Cullen, this is my wife Esme, and our children Edward, Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice. This is Edward's girlfriend Bella Swan. Now may I ask why you are in our house?"

"Oh, this is your house. Sorry, we were being chased by a guy named Scar who's out to kill us. My name is Lark Elric, these are my brothers. This is my twin Edward, and our younger brother Alphonse. We need to get back to our world. This is obviously the other side of the gate." Lark says.

"You're the older ones? But you two are so short!!" the one named Emmet says.

Al grabs Lark and Ed to stop the from jumping on him.

"**Don't call us small!! We'll break down your feet and stick'em on your head!!!"**

"uh, ok!!" Emmet stutters.

"What do you mean the other side of the gate? And who is Scar??" Alice asks.

_(Watch the anime/ read the manga for the whole story of Scar and the Gate.)_

"So you to are 'state alchemists'? And you are in the military?" Rosalie asks.

"Yes. We joined the military when we were 12." Ed says.

Jasper sees a bit of Ed's automail arm thru his sleeve.

"What is that on your arm?" He asks.

"None of your dang business! That's what it is! Come on Al, Lark. We need to get back and report to Colonel Sparky. And to do that we need to get home." Ed says.

"Alright, alright! Keep your pants on Brother!" Lark replies.

"Brother, don't do anything rash." Al says.

Edward C. finally says something.

"I sparkle in the sun… and I can read minds!! That's way awesome than what you can do. And my sister Alice can see the future and Jazzy can control emotions! We are magical vampires!! And, I, like sparkling!!! It rocks. Yay!!"

"Um, ok whatever you dolt." Lark says.

"What is ALCHEMY anyway? It sounds stupid. You probably think yer all magical too and stuff?" says the idiot.

"We are alchemists. This means we are scientists. We don't believe in magic. Alchemy has three laws. Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. It is obvious that does not apply here, which I can't understand." Ed says. "You all are strange creatures like Homunculus, you shouldn't even exist."

All of a sudden, a bright blue light engulfs Ed , Al and Lark.

The Cullens blacked out. When they awoke, all they knew was that they had slept and all had a strange dream.

**In Amestris, colonel Roy Mustang's Office:**

The three young alchemist's had been found on the side of the road heading into Central. Luckily, it was by someone in the military who recognized them and brought them to Mustang.

After they told Mustang what had happened, he said the following.

"I don't think you three should head to Resembool for that long again. Being in the city and then the country really screws you up."

**FIN**

That was fun. As you can see, I hate Twilight. I always wanted to have Ed go off on the cullens.


	2. Meeting The Flame Alchemist!

Note: Cullens End up in Mustangs Office: All vamps.

"Where are we?" Alice asks.

"Like, I have no idea, cause I'm a sparkly air head!!" Edward says.

"And that's why I love you!" Bella yells.

They are actually standing outside the door to the office of Colonel Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist. Inside, Ed and Lark were giving a report.

"You, know we've already handed in the report, why do we have to stand around?" Ed asks.

"You have to stay here to answer questions I might have, and we're having an inspection later anyway. So I order you to stay here pipsqueaks." Mustangs says, not looking up from the report.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THEY CAN'T BE SEEN NEXT TO A SPECK OF DUST?!?!" yells Lark. "Hey, where is AL anyway?"

Elsewhere in HQ, Al has found a stray kitten.

After the short rant, 8 vampires burst thru the door.

"Hey, it's the shorty's again. Where are we?" Emmet asks.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY CAN'T BE SEEN WITHOUT A MAGNIFYING GLASS?!?!" Ed yells.

"You are in my office." Mustang says, shocked to see all these unknown people. –These must be the people Fullmetal and Fullmoon told me about.-

"Like, OMG, who are you?" Edward says loudly.

"I am Colonel Mustang, the Flame Alchemist." Mustang replies, obviously getting ticked.

"Hey, Sparkle Boy, I'd zip it if I were you, he could seriously do some damage to you." Lark says.

Like, no he can't I am totally indestructible because, like, I'm an awesome sparkly vampire! I am totally immortal. And, like, my whole family, is, like way better than you people. And, come on, the Flame alchemist. What's that? A gay name is what it is!!! Everybody thinks so. Am I , like right??"

All the Cullen's nod.

"And besides, the only way you could hurt me was if you set us, on, like fire." Airhead says.

Mustang and the Elric's smile evilly.

"So, Colonel, would you like to demonstrate what you can do?" Ed asks.

"Oh, it would be my pleasure!" Mustang says, pulling on his gloves.

**SNAP!!!**

Note:

We all know what happens. Bye Bye Cullens!

Go Mustang!! You rock!!!


End file.
